Why Couples Fight
The marriage/co-habitation-anthropic principle is a philosophical consideration that disturbances to the fabric of co-habitation must be compatible with the conscious and sapient lives that experience it. (from the Greek “anthropos”, or human). It is not just human nature to fight with our co-habitants. It is a necessary condition of co-habitation.
We are participants in experiencing the disturbances of not only the near and here, but the far away and long ago. This disturbance is both nature and nurture. It is not only programmed into our DNA but learned in our shared experience. Experiments show that disturbances can even outlast a co-habitation or marriage and be experienced one or two (or more) generations into the future (Book of Genesis).
Unlike a traditional fight>resolution>make-up-sex (FRMUS), in Stedman’s version, the disturbance occurs AFTER the passing of the antagonists. The experiment shows that the disturbance of the relationship is not experience until observed. The results of this experiment prove what Stedman has always suspected — observers’ consciousness is required to bring the disturbance into existence. This means that a pre-experienced relationship would exist in an undetermined state, and a pre-life universe could only exist retroactively.
These conclusions determine that the universe is fine-tuned for life and that relationships are fine-tuned for disturbances.
“Relationships need solutions. Solutions require questions. (Alex Trebek).
“If you want a relationship, and if you want co-habitation, you need peace. Peace is not made with friends, it is made with enemies (Yitzhak Rabin).
And questions stem from challenges. To have challenges, you must have relationships that have spanned time. Why do relationships experience disturbances? Because we are here!”(Daniel Stedman)
“The Relationship and The Confrontation exist as a duality. I cannot imagine a consistent theory of marriage that ignores conflict resolution.” (Esther Perel)
Spouses fight because they are spoused (Middle English). The amount of conflict is inherent to the individuals spoused.